New mom emotions are interesting to say the least! On the one hand I feel so completely blessed to have this little bundle. This perfect human child. This amazing miracle collection of cells. I am overwhelmed by love for her in a lot of moments. I am also amazed to see the 'Dad' part of Sean! He's wonderful!
But at the same time, I have been struggling to let go of "me". Or at least to change what it means to be me. Suddenly I can no longer wear what I want, bathe when I want, sleep when I want. It is all dependent on this little person. So it's been forcing me to look at who I REALLY am...minus all the superficial things that I have realized made up so much of my life before. It also makes it difficult for me to love myself, when I feel tired and dirty and a little frumpy. But that's a good thing for me to work through...to solidify my identity in Christ.
It's also a little frustrating when other women laugh at these feelings. They laugh because they went through it too, but honestly people, it doesn't make a new mom feel better when you do that. At least it doesn't make me feel better... it makes me feel like maybe I shouldn't be struggling...like somethings wrong with me.
I also have been struggling through breastfeeding. I don't like it yet, it's a struggle for me emotionally to give of myself like that...yet I know that it is the best for Lily. I think the biggest difficulty is that it makes me feel trapped. I have always been a modest person, and so it's really difficult for me to be OK nursing in public. But if I don't then I don't go out...she feeds to often to go out and come home every few hours. But all in all I know that the sacrifice will be worth it if it means that she is healthier.
Anyways, I hope that any new moms out there know that they are not alone if they are struggling with the new identity of MOM... I'm there too:) And even though it's easy to focus on the struggles and difficulties...take time to see the blessings just as often if not more! They take the sting out of the other stuff.
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