Hugging a Cactus

There used to be a time when quiet time by myself was something I longed for, because I always had these great God moments. I was in a place where it was warm and loving, and where I knew I was cherished. I think you all know that in the last year I've felt like I've lost that connection with God. Mostly BECAUSE of all the distractions I would turn to instead of him. SO last night was the first time in a LONG time that I actually let myself be in that quiet place, and since I am so out of practice, it felt a lot like hugging a cactus.

Last night I was sorely aware of the fact that if I don't practice being in the presence of God, if I don't study Him and work at knowing him, then the truth is not the first thing that comes into those quiet places. No, first comes the lies. That I didn't do a good enough job at my life today, that there I am not good enough to be loved, etc. Now before yesterday, as soon as those lies appeared, I would distract myself, which does nothing because it doesn't get rid of the lies, it just covers over them.

So last night I didn't distract myself, nope I hugged that cactus in a big bear hug and I cried. I poured out my heart to God, I laid bare those lies and told God what I was thinking of myself. And the funniest thing happened, He began to talk back. He began to remind me of how He sees me. And for the first time in a long time, it felt like I wasn't fighting through all these things alone. It actually felt like He was there beside me, urging me onward. And that was worth hugging the cactus!