Woke up at 4 this morning...laid in bed...soooo hungry I couldn't sleep...laid in bed some more...started thinking, and couldn't stop...still hungry...so at 5:15 I finally got up and had some Cheerios...that took care of the hungry part!
Lots on my mind this morning. I'm mostly excited for what is going to happen in the next part of my life. Not only will everything change when the baby comes, but there are some big plans in the works for Sean's ministry. The kind of plans that will only come through because of God's power and might. I'm so excited to see that! I just pray protection around us and everyone that will be involved, because when big things happen, there is always opposition.
I'm a planner, which is something that has made it difficult to trust God in the past. I like to know what is happening, and what could happen so I can make plans just in case. God hardly ever chooses to show us His whole plan...So this pregnancy has forced me to let go a little. Yeah, I can plan the mundane things...the nursery, what kind of diapers to use, etc. But the important things, I have found, I can't plan. The health of the baby, my pregnancy symptoms, etc. At first all I did was worry, but that is not the way I want to live. Constantly in panic mode because I can't plan what will happen next. So I started to study the Bible...I mean, I knew in my head that God is faithful and that He is loving and that He is capable. My problem was, I also knew that God has His own plan and sometimes, it didn't match up with mine. I don't know how I got from that point to where I am today... I just came to the realization at some point, through reading the Bible and prayer and lots of talks with friends, that even if God's plan is hard and painful, in the end it's still better than my plan...because my plan would end with a bunch of spoiled people, incapable of compassion and empathy because they had never really experienced anything difficult. God's plan, although sometimes difficult, produces the good things we admire in people. Deep love and compassion, empathy, perseverance, faithfulness, community. If we didn't need each other sometimes, would we want to be around others at all?
The part that we often forget is that, although God does allow difficult things to happen to us, He isn't a passive onlooker as we go through suffering. He cries when we cry, He hurts when we hurt, and He upholds us as we go through the difficult things. That is one reason He came to earth as Jesus, to suffer so He could truly know and take on our burdens. If you read through the gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke or John) you will see that Jesus did suffer every kind of suffering...loneliness, pain, rejection, etc. The difference is, that He chose to go through all of it...He knew it was coming! And He still chose to go through it so He could be closer to us. It blows my mind really!!!
Well...that's what I think about while lying in bed really early... now I think I'll be able to sleep again...:) Blessings!!
PS...Recieved this article today, kind of goes with what God's been teaching me lately...
http://www.24-7prayer.com/features/1050
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